At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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