I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
