But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
