if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
