I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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