I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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