If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
