There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
