Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
