Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
