it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
