Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
