Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
