New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
