I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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