We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
