u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
