she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
