my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize