You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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