i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
