I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
