So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
