I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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