yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
