I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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