I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
