dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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