I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize