I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
