Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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