Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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