i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
