I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
