I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
