So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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