did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
