so let's talk penis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
