really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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