just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize