After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
