i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
