brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
