I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
