Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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