I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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