so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
