Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
