My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
