I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
