So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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