I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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