Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize