at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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