The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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