just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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