Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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