You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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