forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
