I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
