I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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