no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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