Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
