I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
