Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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