I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
