look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
