Soap is not a condiment
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
