So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
