By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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