I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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