All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
