what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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