either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
