I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
