did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
