You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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