I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
